Uncluttering and beyond

Restored!

2010-11-08T11:46:00.002-06:00

5/24/2010 - the date of my last post here. I just read through it because I forgot what my last post was about.

I am startled, and I am amazed by the Lord's Faithfulness. I am literally living the prayer of my last post. Starting the day with Him is my life right now. I hope it remains so forever..... I get up at 5:30 when my phone alarm goes off and the first hour of the day is spent in prayer and reading His Word. The rest of my day is spent keeping my eyes on Him so that my life reflects Him and not 'me'. He has allowed me to get up to seek him for 56 days in a row. That is 56 days in a row of perfect peace that passes all my understanding. 56 days in a row of Him nudging me gently back on track when I stray throughout the day, 56 days of praising Him for Jesus! Jesus is my life, once again! I read something in Job this morning that caught my eye. It was from Job chapter 33. The point of it is that the Lord restores us. He is the one who causes us to come to Him, for it is HIS KINDNESS that leads us to repentance.

Perfect? No. Not by a longshot. But it is just right where I am, where I need to be. I am in the process of growing closer to Him and learning how to Love Him and others more. What more can I do when I am doing what I know I need to do? He works His will and His ways in Me. That is a good thing!

Lord God, I am in awe of your goodness and your love - before the foundations of the earth even! You had a plan to send your son to die for all sin. I thank you for your death on the cross. Open my heart to you more!

Faith, Hope and Love

2010-05-24T10:33:00.002-05:00

Surrender, Yield, Abide.

These three things are necessary to continue to do in order to follow Christ. I don't understand why they seem so out of reach right now. I also don't understand why it is so hard to stay surrendered, yielded, and abiding.

When people talk about how their loved ones are 'away' from God and need prayer - is this what they mean, that their loved ones are not living moment by moment for the Lord? That they no longer go to a church service, no longer pray, no longer read God's Word and live by His Truth?

I long for Heaven now - not the going there, but the benefits of there. No more sorrow, no more tears, no more sin. I can't even wrap my brain around the thought of NO MORE SIN. No more yelling and screaming, no more shooting and killing, no more abuse, no more selfishness, no more pride, no more unforgiveness. The thought of EVERYONE around me, (including myself) living life in Love.

I have lived here on this earth before and tasted heaven. A high that can not be compared to the 'false highs' that are found in substances and things. I have surrendered ALL to Him, I have accepted His desires for this life, I have devoted myself to staying IN Him - for a time.

Why did I allow myself to fall away from my Lovely Lord and get sucked into myself again? I cringe to think of where I was and where I am. Where I want to be is close to Him. I want to wake up and seek Him early, search His Word for nourishment for my soul and keep Him closer than my own breath all through the day. Go to bed thinking about His goodness and praying for Him to keep me close throughout the night and to wake me with a desire for Him the next morning.

Why?

I know He strengthens me. He causes me to be nice. He helps me be more patient. He gives me eyes to see other people's needs and not worry about my own. He gives me peace in my heart and joy that rubs off on others. He reminds me gently and helps me get back on track quickly. He meets my every need and then some. I miss Him. I need Him.

But what will it take to bring me to Him? Will I go willingly? Will I be forced by circumstance? Why do I resist? Am I afraid of the changes that must come? Am I fearful of Him not meeting my needs?

I've heard that the way we view our own earthly father is a reflection of how we see God. So that means that I see God as quick to anger. Slow to forgive. Holding a grudge against me for my many failures.

I know in my head that God is slow to anger. He quickly forgives and actually erases our sins when we ask. My heart is still heavy. Heavy with all my regrets and mistakes over the past 35 years. This is why I long for the benefits of Heaven.

When my kids are grown, I so desire to look back at these years and not have so many regrets about my actions as a mother. I desire to change for Him, but need to change for them. My desire is that my children see the Joy of the Lord in me and through me. I want them to see kindness, mercy and goodness flow from me. I want them to say that they don't recall seeing me angry or impatient.

Everything I do affects them. I want to pass to them a heritage of faith, hope and love. Lord let it be. I pray in Jesus' name. Amen.

Change

2010-05-23T21:45:00.002-05:00

What brings about change in a person's life? Is it our choice? Is it forced upon us? Does God cause it? I know we all have free will. I know we make our own decisions in life but how does real change come about?

I've read that habits need about 30 days to develop. I want some changes to come about - changes in my actions, habits, thoughts and goals.
God is in control. I would like to go about making Him more in control and me less in control in this life He's given me.

Safe and Sound

2010-05-12T09:39:00.003-05:00

We don't have cable service and we can't get any channels to come in through an antenna (except for a local beach advertising station that promotes Destin restaurants) so the only news I hear is from the radio, what my husband tells me and the bits and pieces I see on the Internet (though I don't usually look at the news on the web).

I do know there is a lot of bad news out there. Horrible news, terrible acts of violence. Overwhelming to hear and process. It hits me hard, at once. I feel like I'm drowning in the evil around me and then the Lord comes and rescues me. My heart is filled with faith and hope. He is still in control and though we don't understand why, I know all is well with my soul. There is nothing that can remove my soul from the safety of His Hand. The circumstances I see and feel around me are nothing but a nightmare. He is Sovereign and He loves me. He loves you too!

Hopeful

2010-05-04T08:09:00.002-05:00

Lord, empty me of me so I can be filled with You.

I guess this lyric from a song by Chris Sligh sums up what I need most right now.

We've had rain and or solid clouds for 4 days. I saw a glimpse of the sun for awhile this morning and it seemed so out of place.

Diving in Deep

2010-02-10T09:23:00.002-06:00

Anne Graham wrote this---Several summers ago while vacationing at the beach, I got up early to meet the Lord for a few moments of quiet before the family awakened. As I sat on the porch, watching the sun come up over the ocean and listening to the gentle crash of the waves on the shore, I seemed to hear the Lord softly whisper to my heart, Anne what do you see? As I looked more closely at the scene before me, I quietly answered Him in my spirit—Lord, I see little sandpipers running alone the edge of the water, making sure they keep out of reach of the waves and don’t even get their feet wet. I see skimmers flying down the beach, just above the surf, skimming the surface of the water with their long beaks. I see seagulls standing in the tide up to their knees. And I see pelicans circling, then diving headfirst into the waves, coming up with fish they seemed to swallow whole.

Then the Lord seemed to say to me, Anne, the Bible is like the ocean. And the people who read My Word are very much like those birds. Some will dance around the Scriptures, not really wanting to step in and get their feet wet in Bible study, but are satisfied to just listen to their preacher or Bible teacher tell them what the Bible says. Others will read their Bibles, just skimming the surface for facts and information. Some will get in “knee-deep,” reading the Bible each day with a devotional or commentary close by for reference. And then there are some like the pelicans, who dive in over their heads, going deep in Bible study, applying and living out what they learn. Which bird are you most like? And I answered with wholehearted passion, Lord, I’m not sure which one I am from Your perspective. But I know which one I want to be. I want to be like the pelican who dives in deep. Please! Take me deeper into Your Word! And He has.

So join me and go deeper into His Word that you, too, might have it in your heart, on your mind, and therefore on your lips to share with somebody else.

This Season of my Life

2010-02-09T09:59:00.004-06:00

My friend Megan wrote something that prompted me to come here and write.

This season of my life has been set aside to serve others - specifically my husband and our two children. I desire to do my job with all my heart, with all my mind, with all my strength - as unto my Lord. The Lord is who gave me life, He also gave me my husband and my two children. He works everything together for good. He takes my weaknesses and the weaknesses of my husband and children and somehow refines us through our interactions with each other - as iron sharpens iron (proverbs 27:17).

I fight it though - the processes that are used to refine me. I don't want to fight it, but it is uncomfortable, it makes me squirm. It is my job to correct my children's wrong behavior and teach them right behavior. I have to speak up in public when they are initiating wrong behavior or following another child who is acting in wrong ways. It is my job to take the right road with them. What is the right road? God's Word is the right road.

I've been thinking about my role in their lives and how I've missed the mark in raising them SO MANY TIMES. I know - Lord I know , I'm not perfect nor will ever be perfect until I exit this world and enter into His presence - but I desire to give more to them. I have more to give. I have a desire to be their teacher. I want them to be educated, but I don't care as much about education as I do about the state of their heart. My goal for them is to give themselves to Christ. Through Jesus Christ, all things were made - including myself and my children. I desire His desires for their lives. His will, not mine. I want to teach them about Him through their education.

I want to teach them at home. This is fast becoming my heart's desire. My prayer is that if the Lord desires that I homeschool them that all things will work together and that it will happen.

In my mind, if this is to happen the Lord will have to equip me with several things that I don't have much of now......He knows all my weaknesses. I will leave this at His feet and wait for Him to answer.

Foggy Outside, Clearer Inside

2009-10-08T09:26:00.004-05:00

Tons of fog outside this morning. I'm so thankful that the Lord has removed a bit of the fog inside of me.

It started at 5:45 this morning when I woke to music coming from the kids' playroom. Clear as a bell out of my sleep I heard "Hear me calling, Hear me calling, You're lost and alone, Leave it to me, Ill lead you home" - this is from a song by Michael W. Smith called "I'll lead you home". I got up quick and went to turn the alarm off (the kid must have accidentally set the music alarm clock to go off) - I didn't want them to wake up that early!! I then proceeded to get back in bed but didn't go back to sleep. I toyed with the idea that maybe the Lord was inviting me to get up and have some quiet time with Him. I haven't gotten up to fellowship with the Lord in a long, long time. I gave up on it kind of. It has been just too hard to pull myself out of bed early in the morning and I've been so tired mentally and spiritually lately. I'm so grateful to the Lord for allowing me the grace I needed to get out of bed this morning with the purpose of seeking Him.

I read about my life being hidden in Christ. I'm still curious about it, but from the little research I did, I found that it may be talking about this 'thing' I did this morning. I can't see it, or hear it. I just know it. Hidden in my heart, in my mind. My faith in Him. Faith that He was there with me. Here with me now. Regardless of how ugly I am. Regardless of how unfaithful I am. Regardless of how putrid I smell. Our Lord looks past our condition and sees something we can't see - something I can't seem to believe is even there most of the time.

Why? That question is at the front of my mind. Why do I act the way I do sometimes? Why do I make such terrible decisions so often? Why am I so flawed inside? So opposite of what I wish to be like? This is Truth - I am so screwed up. This is also the Truth - He is not.

I know my disbelief and my doubts complicate things tremendously.

So my prayer is simple, "Lord - I lay all I am, all I've done, all I hope to do, all I wish to be, all my shame, all my pain, all my thoughts, Down at your feet. I will leave it there and ask that you sort it out and have Your way in this life I live - this life that You died for. I am so thankful for the gift of Salvation. I don't understand it but I receive it in faith - faith that was not even mine - You have provided me with it. It is not about me, it is all about You. Help me realize that You are holding on to me and that when my grip fails, You are still holding onto me. You said You will never leave. Never. No matter what. No matter what I do, or don't do. No matter what. As long as my eternity is with You Lord, I know that nothing else matters. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen. And Amen again."

I am filled with quiet praise. Full of hope and love. I guess I'd say that He filled me up today. Thank you Lord for filling me up. I so needed it. My need light has been on for a long time and you came just in time. I love you.

Pain in the Past

2009-09-08T14:10:00.001-05:00

The quickest way for me to fall down is to keep looking back.

I don't have to look back, I just do.

Tired

2009-06-07T23:40:00.002-05:00

My sweet husband took time to get the computer set up for me before he went to bed. We've decided to pinch pennies while we are renting - no cable/satellite, no land line, no DSL. He is not leaving me without some Internet access - I'll be able to use his wireless card on days he doesn't need to take it with him. We can rent DVD's at the library from time to time and my sweet sister in law passed us a BUNCH of Disney VHS tapes. My sweet sister is generous in loaning out DVD's from their personal library as well.

Anna, our 9 year old niece, came today and will stay a week!!! I'm THRILLED about that because she is just so wonderful! She is eager to please and willingly helps out with the kids. My goal is to get LOTS done around here with her help. Progress has been slow and I'm hoping it will speed up this week.....

James was out of town 3 nights this past week and it was a hard time for us because of the chaos around here. I was having a hard time unpacking because we just have too much stuff around to unpack. Once James got home he came up with a brilliant idea of stacking boxes in the foyer at the front door. Our front door is completely blocked by boxes, but hopefully they won't be there too long.

We discovered a WONDERFUL park, I don't know if I wrote about it last week - it has lots of fountains and tons of playground equipment. It has hours! Have you heard of parks with actual attendants and specific hours of operation? It is great though. I think that park will be my saving grace this summer.

Let's see.... I discovered that something is wrong with the wiring of the stove. I was cooking last week and my forearm brushed up against the handle on one of the pots on the stove - it burned. I didn't think the handle was hot and tested it with my hand. It wasn't heat, it was electricity!! We have 14 Volts coming out of those burners! 14 Volts will give you a start! We haven't had that fixed, but today when I was cooking I decided to 'test' it again. I had been using a rubber handled mitt to handle the pot handles and I was curious to know if it was still putting out electricity so I gently brushed my forearm against the pot handle... nothing.! I was excited!! I told James and he looked down and saw that I was wearing my Crocs. My rubber Crocs. Cool huh?? Now I can cook without using those hot mitts as long as I have my Crocs on. So neat how that works.

What else? Neighbors for another night. Pictures for another day too. I could take some before and after pics though. Don't really want to share the state of our chaos though. We'll see........

Moving, Unpacking and yet More Unpacking

2009-05-28T23:30:00.004-05:00

We are 85% moved and we did that in 2 days. The rest will be gathered and brought tomorrow, Saturday and Sunday. Today my VERY SWEET mother-in-law and I tackled the kitchen. It's not quite whipped into shape, but close! Kitchens are hard. Especially this one because I was unaware of a past LEAK AND DAMAGE within the sink base. It smells! Yes, you read it correctly - it actually smells really bad. Like so bad that if we had known about it, we may not have been so quick to sign a year lease. BUT, let me start by saying that we haven't yet spoken to the owner about it. As I said before, he lives in WV and I have no clue how long it has been since he's actually been here. The kitchen is small and dated, consisting of 2 lines of counter top parallel to each other - I have 4 drawers. I had 6 before. I could have had 8 before, but I didn't, so I'm thankful for that! The good thing is that I'm starting to accept that it smells like yuck in the kitchen. What else can I do right now? My SUPER SWEET mother-in-law spent hours and hours lining every square inch of surface area in drawers and cabinets and closets and in the pantry with shelf liner. I now can unpack without thoughts of yuck getting on my stuff. It is that old particle board crap. Don't get me wrong, I love the house. I do. I'm not complaining about anything but the yuck. I don't even mind that I had to sacrifice my sliding glass door in the bedroom in order to get James' night stand in the room. The toilet paper holder does stick out way to far in a bathroom that is way too small. Several of the ceiling fans do not have lights.
We did have to battle a skink and I killed a snake in our garage today. But I'm not complaining. I don't know if all my furniture is going to fit in the room to my right. The shower drips and there is a leak under the sink in the hall bathroom. But these things are all small in comparison to the big picture. I could care less about all the above. The Lord has blessed us with this house which is slowly becoming our home. He has filled our hearts with love for each other and is teaching us that perfection is not necessary for our peace and joy. I am so happy to have this rental house and a city to call home.

The House Appraised!

2009-05-21T15:58:00.003-05:00

Praise the Lord!! The house appraised for at least the contract amount! We don't know the exact number and we may not ever find out. It doesn't matter though - what matters is that we're able to get the price we sold it at! My realtor said she would TRY to find out the number but she may not be able to. No worries!! I may not want to know if the house appraised for much more than the price we sold it at :-)

Packing continues around here. Termite bond is the last thing that needs to be done. I laughed when she told me that we could close early. We signed the contract on the 13th and she thinks we could close if we want to on the 29th. Uh, thank you, but I think we'll stick to the 1st!!!!!

I'm sure there have been faster deals than this, but certainly not for us. If we close on the 1st as planned, that will be less than 3 weeks from start to finish! My moment is gone. That moment I savored for about a week while the house was in show condition. One day, I'll have that again - for no reason this time!

Waiting for the Appraisal to Come Back

2009-05-21T10:44:00.003-05:00

We're just waiting for the word on the appraisal. I don't mean we're just sitting around doing nothing - my house is officially destroyed and 1/3 of the way in boxes.

James was able to find a way to not have the house surveyed (we made no changes since the last survey) and that saved us $325.00. What a blessing! I was told that the buyers didn't appreciate that one bit - but if their mortgage company and all other parties (title company) OK'd the survey on file - I don't see the problem. Kind of makes me sad that they got uptight about it. Oh well - you can't please everyone. I think if it were me, I'd be glad the sellers didn't have to pay for something that didn't need to be done in the eyes of our mortgage company and title company.......

Well - we will be meeting the rental house owner's son on Saturday to give him a HEFTY check and get our key. We'll do a walk through of sorts and make sure everything is in working order before letting him out of our sight. I'm excited to have a few hours to clean and make the house ready for **my** stuff. I don't think it will need much cleaning - just a good wipe down, vacuuming and mopping.

My dad is still here - we got up at 4am to go to Walmart to pick up boxes. That saved us LOTS of money. We got tons of good, sturdy boxes. We could go back any morning if we need more. We plan on doing the move ourselves over the next week so we're saving money in that area too.

OK, I've got LOTS to do still. My kitchen looks like a tornado hit it!

Appraisal DONE!

2009-05-20T10:57:00.003-05:00

The appraisal was done yesterday morning. The house was in show condition and the appraiser told our agent that the house showed very well. My agent told me that an appraiser never told her that before. Also this appraiser was a woman and she's never dealt with a woman appraiser before. I was encouraged by some other things she shared with me that the appraiser told her. We'll just have to wait and see! The matter does not affect our moving, it just affects whether we will get the agreed upon price for the house, or less.

I'm off to pack and take a walk with the kids. Rental house seems to be going through as planned. Over 2 grand to get in it though! Sec deposit, and full first month's rent plus the few days in May that we will be paying for. So. I think we're OK with that. My parents will loan us some money if we need them to. Praise the Lord!!!

Also James' sister and niece and his mother will be coming to help out this weekend and then my sweet mother-in-law will stay the week! I'm so thankful for James' family. They are wonderful! My dad is here now and my sister has offered to help out with the kids if I need her to. Karen, if you are reading this - I would really love you to take the kids for the closing if at all possible!! June 1st so far is the date. Love you. Julie

Closer to a Rental Home

2009-05-17T19:52:00.005-05:00

I spotted a For Rent sign while driving around Friday. I was searching for places on my own after exhausting all the MLS rental listings in the area. The sign said 4bd, 2ba and gave a reasonable monthly price. I held my breath as I navigated my way down to the address given on the sign. What I saw gave me hope - a TWO car garage, a well maintained exterior, a nice big yard with well maintained houses around it - but I've seen this before, only to find the inside unbearable with mildew/ cat pee/ smoke and other stench.

I peeked inside windows and walked around the house to find a HUGE backyard that was mostly fenced in. I scrambled back to the car to call the 2 given phone numbers on the sign. Both were out of town numbers. I didn't know what to think about that. I didn't get the chance to find out at that time because all I got was voicemail.

I did talk to the owner later in the day - once we were back in Pensacola (approx 1 hr 20 minutes away from the house). I found out that he lived in West Virginia and that his son would show me the house. I also found out that the house was 1500 sq ft, that it was built in 1980 and that they've been doing work in, on and off, for the past year. He raised his boys in the house, moved away and rented it out to someone for TWELVE years and once that person bought a house and moved out they started some renovations. New carpet and new tile throughout the house (except for the bathrooms), and they took down 20 trees in the backyard. The yard has a sprinkler system.

I was still skeptical. I just knew for the price they were listing it at that it must smell inside. I told him that if it smelled at all, it would be a wasted trip for everyone. He was polite and told me (again) that they had replaced all flooring and that there had been no water leaks to his knowledge.

Well, we got to view it Saturday evening. I walked in and took a deep breath. Do you know what I smelled? Nothing. YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

James smelled it too!!!! His sniffer is even more receptive than mine.

The house is dated. The bathrooms are small. All woodwork is dark. The fireplace mantle is dark and dated. The kitchen is quite dated. And I love it. I don't care a hill of beans about those things. I love that I could let Ava go potty in the bathroom on the spot. I love that I'll be able to let my children roll around on the carpet and not mind going barefoot throughout the house. I love that I WILL be able to set up my guest room. I love that James said I did good.

The Lord heard my prayers. He knows our needs and as our Father, He meets them.

Hopefully we will have it secured within the next few days.

Thanks for your prayers!! I still need them for the appraisal of this house and the packing up and moving out that must happen on June 1st.

Hopefully today or tomorrow we'll find out that we've been approved for the rental house.

Opportunity to Trust Him

2009-05-14T16:32:00.002-05:00

Well,

We have a contract on the house for FULL ASKING PRICE!!!! Of course the Lord answered that part of the prayer, but I didn't think to ask Him to keep the buyers from sticking it to us on the closing costs. ALL CLOSING COSTS to be paid by yours truly. Like 4200 in closing costs.

Nor did I ask the Lord to allow us plenty of time to get out of the house. We have a close/leave date of June 1st. Yes, like as in 17 days.

I don't need to go into too much detail - we haven't found a suitable place to live. I say suitable because what I've seen thus far in our price range is filth. I don't mind the spaces or the old age of the properties. I mind smells that assault me upon entering the dwelling. I can't do nasty. I won't do nasty.

I am stressed. To put it mildly. I am thankful - and hopeful that the home inspection that happened here as we frantically searched for a rental there went well (for us) and that the appraisal goes as needed (we need asking price). I haven't thought about the packing yet. I won't be able to until the appraisal is done. This might not be possible because that will leave us with a week to pack EVERYTHING WE OWN and be out. By the way - we are doing it ourselves.......

Please pray for the Lord to give me lotsa grace, lotsa patience with my sweet children (who are hanging in there remarkably well under the circumstances) and JUST the right place for us to rent for up to a year. Also a GREAT home inspection and appraisal that hits the mark!

I love having the house so perfect all the time for potential buyers. I'm still in that mode of putting everything up all the time. I SOON will need to switch to frantic packing and moving everything out mode. I dread that mode. I already despise the stressed out person I've seen in me over the past few days.

MLS Link, As Promised! Thanks to Karen!

2009-05-05T15:23:00.007-05:00

I'm back!

When you have time, go to
http://www.pensacolamls.com/(vmtfnk454zpllpai0sw1ltfg)/propertyDetails.aspx?mls=369364 , it takes you directly to our house. Click on the pictures to enlarge them.

There are 24 pictures. I think she did a good job. A few things I would have changed, but I don't want to call her up and ask her to retake pictures because of unsightly cords I could have unplugged, or bed skirts I could have fixed, or a Dustbuster I could have taken down from the wall, or an anchor off the back fence. Stuff like that. Oh well. I guess I am showing my obsessive side. I don't have to act on it though. None of those things are important enough to call her and point them out. I know she worked SUPER HARD all day on the listing and the pictures and I am very pleased with them. I also don't like the word 'meditation' she used at the bottom of one of the pictures of the office. I don't meditate in there. I fellowship with God's Holy Word in that chair. Meditate bothers me for some reason. She would take it out in a heart beat if I asked her, but I don't want to diminish any of the work she did in the least bit. I praise the Lord for her and hope we get some calls and showings! Soon!!

Let me know what you think! James VETOed the bamboo sticks on the coffee table. They are now in the garage awaiting our lovely real estate lady to pick them up and take them back home. James just couldn't do the stick thing. I don't blame him. I didn't like them much. I tried to allow them to grow on me throughout the day, but it just didn't work out. The kids were thrilled to have so many 'swords' to fight with though. Aye!

As Good as it Gets

2009-05-04T15:20:00.002-05:00

I am so excited to announce that our home is finally ready for potential home buyers to walk through and make the decision as to whether or not they would like to make us a full price offer because we priced it right where it needs to be in these horrible market conditions and I'm not going down without a fight!

My home is READY!!!!!

Now I must maintain it. An hour's notice is all I will have. No more, no less. (Just kidding - could be more, could be less!)

I'm so excited!!!!!!!

MY VAN IS IN MY GARAGE!!!!!!!!!!!! (Only took 12 hours to accomplish this feat), NO, I'm not kidding or exaggerating at all. Pictures you say???

As soon as that beautiful lady who is going to sell my house emails me the link, I'll share it with you!!! It should be in the MLS tomorrow.

My body may not last till then though.

Kids? What kids? They must have understood that mama and daddy were busy getting our massive ox out of the ditch for the WHOLE WEEKEND.

We can really accomplish a great deal when we are motivated to do so. I wish I was motivated more often.......

I'm going to go room to room and make sure everything is in it's proper place!!

Did I tell you that I love my house? I don't want to leave now.

I give all glory and thanksgiving to my Jesus for allowing EVERYTHING to go as planned/prayed about. It doesn't always work out the way we hope/plan/pray, but boy when it does it is really something, isn't it?

The agents selling our house are a husband/wife team. They too are a blessing already. I have a feeling the house will be sold in record time!

2009-04-28T14:48:00.002-05:00

I'm still here, but having trouble finding my voice.

I don't know what I want this blog to be or what I expect it to be or why it is even here anymore. I don't write in it. I delete most of what I do write.

My prayer is that the Lord will lead me in the direction He wants me to take here.

I think I should start with my testimony of what Jesus has done in my life. It will take a long time.

2009-04-15T09:40:00.005-05:00

I picked up this pretty new layout from Izzie Grace. She has beautiful layouts for personal blogs at http://brainyandbeautiful.blogspot.com/

I'll be back soon, I hope!

Progres Report

2009-01-14T12:16:00.001-06:00

I still need a house fairy......

I Need a House Fairy!

2008-10-23T10:55:00.002-05:00

I would really like to get the house in shape again, but seem to have SUCH a hard time actually getting that done. Heavy sigh.

Overall, things have been better for me over the past few weeks.

It is 11am. I am going to come back and give a progress report in 5 hours. My goal is to go room to room, spending about 20 minutes putting stuff up and getting rid of unnecessary clutter. I would LOVE to have the house READY for me to clean it by early morning!

Starting over again!

2008-10-02T14:16:00.003-05:00

I have about 10 minutes to write here before I need to get up and do some housework.

Life has been difficult for me since I last wrote here. I see my last entry was August 17th. It feels like it has been longer than that....

I kept the house neat and clean until I left to go out of town on August 29th. I am trying to get the clutter under control again - that is why I only have a few minutes of computer time. I have been putting off these chores day after day - just doing enough to get by. Today I am putting rules in place and I'm gonna stick to them! I'll be back after I've earned some more computer time!

Nice and Neat

2008-08-17T17:22:00.002-05:00

Right now, for no occasion, my house is NICE and NEAT.

I've kept it that way going on two weeks now.

It started on a Tuesday with an overnight visit from my in laws. The next bit of fuel was provided by my husband. He made the comment that the house wouldn't still be in order by Friday. Well, it was. A phone call Friday afternoon proved to be the spark that set us both ablaze - someone made an appointment to view our home the next day (24 hours later). Did I mention our home is for sale by owner? We haven't had any calls so we haven't been at all diligent in keeping order around here. So anyway, the call sent me right outside to deal with the weeds and the yard (that were NOT In order, in any way, shape or form!) I spent hours weeding my flower beds, went to walmart and bought clearance flowers to fill 5 planters while hubby was weed eating and edging. Then came the mowing. Our yard had never looked so good all at once. The inside needed more work than I thought but to make a long story short, we got it ALL done. Well - maybe not all the drawers and cabinets, but they looked good enough to pass a quick glance though. We did end up with our van acting as a temporary storage unit, but we have since gotten that STUFF distributed where it belongs. The house had NEVER NEVER EVER looked so good. I was SO EXCITED for the people to come. But they never came.

But! The house still looks good to this day. And that was over a week ago. Thank you Lord for No Shows!!!

Getting it into High Gear

2008-05-19T15:42:00.004-05:00

As far back as I can remember it has always taken a fire under my seat to get me moving fast enough to get the job done.

I do have the ability to get stuff done and from what people have told me, I do a darn good job. I just don't understand why I can't keep that pace up on my own accord. I do want to have a nice tidy house 100% of the time. I do desire to start putting stuff back as soon as I am finished with it, but it just doesn't happen. Unless I have company here. Then I am able to keep things, as Henry from Oswald would say, "Nice and Neat". I long to be nice and neat without someone having to come visit. I do I do I do!!

I'm going to go try to get things nice and neat right now.

If my children grow up as un-neat as I tend to be, I hope and pray they marry someone who enjoys an uncluttered environment and has lots of mercy and grace for them at the same time!

Cycles and Such

2008-05-13T15:12:00.002-05:00

I am thankful to have more energy and motivation over the past several days. I was getting tired of waking up tired and not excited about starting a new day with my precious little ones. They won't be little forever and I desire to enjoy every second of this time with them. I hate it when I don't!

I am praying for my grandmother, Honey, who has lung problems (a non-smoker in case you wondered) and is 83. She has had to slow down to a snail's pace in order to keep her breathing in check. She went in for a PET scan last week.

I am also praying for the Lord to send someone to buy our home in His time.

Also for my neighbors, N and R - they are going through fertility treatment.

I am thankful to be a child of God.

right now, but not forever

2008-04-28T14:53:00.003-05:00

I'd really like to write here more often. I am going through a tough time in my life and think it would be best to document it for future reference. Not that I expect to be here again in the future, but it may be helpful to record it nonetheless.

First and foremost. Jesus is Lord!

I believe He is Lord of my life and Lord of ALL. I belong to Him and there is nothing and no one that can take me out of His hands. My life has been paid for at the Cross He died on and my life that I live now is lived IN CHRIST.

Having said all that - it doesn't seem victorious at the moment. I am fighting with my flesh and it appears that my flesh is winning. Why is that? Do I not love the Lord enough? Did I fall somewhere back there and fail to get up the right way? Did I not deny myself enough and now find myself here? Is it me? Something I did? Why can't I seem to find my way back? Back where? Back where I had joy in knowing that I was HIS and He was ALL I needed. Back where my joy was overflowing and nothing could touch me. NOTHING. Back where all I needed was to spend as much time with Him as possible. Back where I had to dance unto Him even though I can't dance. Back where the living waters were flowing all day and into the next day and the day after. WHAT HAPPENED? Why did I stop seeking Him with all my heart? What led me here?

Choices I guess. The wrong ones, apparently.

Answered prayer and time for self-discipline

2008-02-02T14:25:00.000-06:00

After praying for 6 months (8 months if you ask me), the Lord has sent my husband a full-time position here in Florida. I am quite sure this job IS indeed the Lord's job for him for several reasons - the first being that we were trusting the Lord to send His job our way in His time. It really took some time too - 8 months is a long time. When I compare it to growing a baby or 3/4 of a year it seems even longer. It wasn't an easy, fun, care-free time but that time was one of the greatest gifts from the Lord I've ever been given. During the past 8 months quite a bit has happened. The most profound in my personal life is that I've rededicated my life fully to the Lord and have began trusting Him in every area of my life. I guess I was kind of forced into this one - the control that I longed for was nowhere in sight and I was sick and tired of wearing myself out trying to obtain it. Giving everything I had to the Lord was an easy way out of that oppressive cycle I was in. My circumstances pushed me right into His loving arms and I am so thankful He allowed asmuch. We've also found a church we love and attend on a regular basis. I've been attending bible studies that feed my hungry spirit and and my marriage is healthier than it has ever been. All this took place BEFORE the Lord sent my husband this job. It is true that we need to accept the place we are in before we can move forward with the Lord. I did my share of kicking and screaming prior to giving in, but in the end when the job came - it wasn't like a huge surprise or anything. God provided opportunities for income here and there all along that 8 months - He was GOOD then and He is GOOD now. He doesn't change along the way (thankfully), but we should. I have and I am and I will, Lord willing. And He is so willing to lead us into territory that He sets out for us that causes growth and reliance on Him along the way. I am so in awe of His perfect love and His mercy and grace. I know for certain that I don't deserve all He has done for me but I eagerly accept Him.

My personality causes me to question most things but the Lord is teaching me that it is not necessary to question His love. It might seem kind of silly but I have had a hard time really comprehending His unfailing love. I know the extent of my failures and the decay in my heart and simply could not fathom how the Maker of heaven and earth could ever love such a worthless wretch like me. There is no getting around the truth though - and the truth is that He purchased this worthless life of mine. I don't have to focus on the here and now - I can focus on the Lord and allowing Him to change me into whatever He wants to make me.

The #1 thing that is bothering me these days is my lack of self-discipline. I don't have it and it doesn't come easily to me. My only hope is that the Lord will teach me. I do know it will be a long road but I have no other road to choose. And I thank God for that. There is no other road for me other than the one that leads me into His loving arms.

I thank you Lord for all the gifts you've given me here on this earth. I bow down before you and ask only that Your plans and purposes may come to pass into this life you've purchased at calvary. Please give me wisdom. Please make your path clear. Please don't ever stop what you've started in me. In the name of Jesus I pray. Amen.

My husband's boss is a Christian. He and his lovley wife had our family over to their house for dinner last night. I was so honored by that. Who am I to deserve such treatment? Noone. It is no longer I, but Christ who lives in me. If the Lord is for me, who can be against me? I thank God that He gives us just what we need when we need it. His ways are not our ways - His ways are higher. He is Lord and He is Soverign. Always.

May His name be blessed above ALL names!

Hi Ho, Hi Ho it's through the valley I go

2008-01-15T14:50:00.000-06:00

My husband DID tell me that I COULD NOT stay on the mountain top forever. I JUST KNEW he was wrong. I just KNEW everyone who told me that was wrong. I really thought they HAD to be the ones who were wrong. Like they really, truly knew or something.

So they knew. My husband knew. The Lord knew. Too bad I didn't. Too bad for me that is....

I've spent a few weeks mourning the loss of my blessed mountain top experience with the Lord. I know it truly IS reality and this fog is the illusion, but it is HARD to walk by faith when He's poured out His Spirit in such abundance. I miss that ----yes, that feeling. I do indeed know that I simply cannot go by my feelings. That is a sure way to get in DEEP TROUBLE. Feelings come and go.

My mind is not renewed as it should be. I am not IN the Word as much as I need to be. My mind is fighting the valley and my flesh is rebelling against waking up early to be with the Lord.

I set my clock every morning, practically get kicked out of bed by my husband and yet I still manage to snooze right through my quiet time. I don't want to though. But I keep doing it.

We really had a good thing going there - I was up early seeking His presence and praying for pre-christians and my brothers and sisters in Christ - it was my pleasure, my desire - the VERY LEAST I could do for ALL He's done for me. But it ended. Something happened and I just quit getting up. I'm trying, but it's not working. Yes I've prayed about it and it is STILL not working. I want it to work though, so I will not give up. My hope and prayer is that something will change and I WILL GET UP TO SEEK HIS FACE TOMORROW MORNING! If you happen to read this - maybe say a little prayer that the Lord will help me get up in the morning. Thank you and GOD BLESS YOU!!!

Christmas Pictures

2007-12-17T14:07:00.000-06:00

It is quite complicated, I'm sure. Here I am attempting it though. Please enjoy a few pictures of our Christmas decorations and then go enjoy lots more decorations at boomama's.

I just love this wreath. It makes me smile when I come home!

Our nativity set - given to my son as a gift last year. My children adore it. I do too!!

My sister gave us these beautiful stockings and we need to try to get our names put on them.
My sweet mother-in-law gave me these pretty hummingbirds for my birthday last week. I just adore them and will enjoy them all year.

This tree was purchased by me at a fabric store one year - day after Christmas sale. The kids and I love it, hubby - not so much, but he tolerates it for us.

This was a spur of the moment idea I had - I decided to put a darker burgandy ball on the tree and had these bright red balls left over. They just kind of jumped on my dining room light. The kids love em.

My tree. I LOVE lights, lots of them. My motto is: You can't have enough of them.
Thanks for coming to see my place. I really enjoyed taking pictures and sure have enjoyed looking at some of yours!

Thanksgiving

2007-11-21T07:16:00.000-06:00

Thanksgiving is on my heart and in my mind. I can not even begin to try to express how thankful I am for the grace and mercy I have been so freely given. Indeed it was not free to the one who gave it. He suffered and died a horrible death in order to provide it to me so freely. Today is the Lord's day - as is every day. Let us walk in the Light as He has called us to do.

Lord Jesus, we bow down before you in awe of your majesty. You ALONE are Lord! Please forgive us for our sins and let us walk with you today. In Jesus Name I pray. Amen

Birthday Boy!

2007-10-29T13:32:00.000-05:00

I have a birthday boy today! He is 41 years old today, but doesn't look a day over 35. 41 years ago today, my husband was born! Praise the Lord! I am so very thankful that the Lord brought him into existance and into my life!

I am in awe of his place in this life I live - he is my head, my dear and loving companion. He is my rock and my voice of wisdom on this earth. He tells me the truth and comforts me when I need it. He makes sound decisions on behalf of his family and gives of his love freely. He is faithful and true. He is the closest thing to the Lord I have on this earth. I desire to cherish him more with each passing day. I praise the Lord for allowing him to be MY husband. I am blessed beyond belief. My hope is that my husband will be blessed beyond belief by our heavenly father.

My husband is one of the world's most talented men. He can do anything, learn anything and remember what he learned. I would not trade him for anything and am so thankful for him.

Now I am going to go make him a red velvet cake with cream cheese icing for his birthday!

New favorite day of the week

2007-10-07T13:50:00.000-05:00

My old favorite day of the week was Monday. I saw it as a new beginning, a fresh clean start.

My new favorite day of the week is Sunday. The Word of God is spoken directly to my spirit through a pastor who also has a heart for Jesus.

I liked Mondays because they gave me hope for the new week ahead. I don't care about Mondays anymore - I don't really care about Sundays either. I only care about the moment I have. Right here and now! What can I do with this very moment in time to please my Lord and Savior? Could it be to share Jesus with my 2 year old son? Could it be to wipe a runny nose? How about making the kitchen sparkle after lunch? Removing the clutter from the living room floor? Planning a trip to see my parents and grandparents? Making out a store list? Listening to a friend in need? Praying for Salvation to come to dear ones? The possibilities are endless! What I choose to do really doesn't matter as long as the condition of my heart is to Love the Lord with all I am. He calls us to lay down our lives for Him. To seek First His kingdom and His righteousness. He tells us that He will take care of everything else. I am amazed how simple it is. Once we walk in obedience He rewards us. The cry of my heart is "Lord! Here I am! - No matter what you ask - I want to and will obey You!"

I know for certain that I will not be enslaved by the enemy for long as long as I live my life trusting my Lord for my every need. He is our every need. There is no need that He can't meet. There is no mountain that He can't move. Nothing He can't do!

Death has indeed been swallowed up for me! I am honored to live on this earth for now - enjoying this beautiful life that the Lord has blessed me with, but this is not my home. My home is in the arms of Jesus. I know that the Lord will take me home to Him when His time is right. I don't have to worry about anything or anyone - the Lord will take care of the details! Praise the Lord! Oh my soul, Praise the Lord! It is the desire of my heart to remain on this earth for a long, long time - I want to see my marriage blossom into a beautiful, rare, exotic flower. I want to live to see my children become mighty warriors in the Lord's army! I want to hold a grand baby in my arms and speak blessings over my great grand kids lives!

There are SO MANY promises in God's Word! And He can't lie! Those promises are mine, He gave them to me! Not only to me, but to each and every one of His dear children! My desire is for my faith to GROW - quickly please(!) and to take hold of those promises. Without faith, it is impossible to please God! Oh Lord! Remove any lingering doubts and fill me with a faith that will move mountains! In your name, and for your purposes!

He doesn't need us! We are the ones desperate and in need of Him! He chooses to use us because He loves us! He knows how blessed we are when He allows us to take part in His plans. He doesn't need us, but he commissioned us! We have been given orders to go out and share the gospel with all the nations. We can't do that until the Holy Spirit controls us and the Holy Spirit can't control us until we give up control to the Lord. And we won't give up control to the Lord until we get all done with ourselves and our agendas.

What is your agenda? If you have one is it really yours or is it the Lord's for you? I have no agenda. I had one. It was important too. Or seemed to be anyway.... I spent 4 years rotting and decaying until I got all done with that agenda and I decided to obey God and tell my husband the truth. And guess what? It set me free to give up control of my worthless excuse for a life, ask the Holy Spirit to control me and to be available in every way to God's plans. I never realized how unworthy I was to live the life I was given until I took responsibility for my sins and saw the pain I caused my family. The Lord has worked a miracle in my heart. I have been given a priceless gift - a gift I am utterly unworthy of BUT that won't stop me from accepting it. And not only will I accept the precious blood of Jesus to cleanse me and save me but I will spend the rest of my life giving away that redeeming blood that has been literally poured out upon me.

My husband had not only forgiven me, but is still in love with me. My husband is my hero. He has showed me the kind of Love God has for me. I betrayed this man. I deceived him. I kept him at arm's length for 7 years. Yet he loves me and by his actions has shown me that he has forgiven me. I think he even trusts me. I don't trust the old me, but I know I can trust the new me, because it is no longer I, but Christ who lives in me.

Beyond already!

2007-09-19T14:14:00.000-05:00

If you would have told me two months ago what my life would be like today, I would not have believed you - never in a million years. I believe it now though - I'm living proof of it - and that, I cannot deny.

Uncluttering and beyond was meant to be a slow process of removing 'things' from my life that were getting in my way of living the way I was created to live -you know the stuff - clutter in drawers, items that just pile up around the house, bulk junk mail, etc., so on and so forth. I didn't realize at the time that I was the one who needed to go. And so I went. A little overboard, actually, but the Lord is good at getting His children BACK where He wants them to be. It is no longer I, but Christ who lives in me (Gal 2:20). And that is GOOD. He is GOOD.

Want more, need more?? I walked in blatant disobedience before the Lord for over 4 years. I tried to hide from a heinous sin that I knew was wrong before I ever committed it. That sin was premeditated and affected not only myself, but my most precious relationships and countless other possible relationships. Once I decided it was crucial for me to take responsibility for my sins, God stepped in and gave me a new start. A fresh, clean, uncluttered path to the freedom that was Given on the cross for me. He gave me the most precious gift ever - the gift of repentance. A gift indeed! Once I realized how to die to myself and to my agenda - the Lord filled me with a shockingly real, almost tangible Love that is aching to burst out of every pore in my body. I'm FREE! PRAISE THE LORD, I'M FREE!!! FREE AT LAST!! Free to love. Free to give. Free to sing. Free to PRAISE. Free to Dance. Free to Seek, Free to FIND, Free to BE IN CHRIST. Did I mention that I am FREEEEE????

Not ONLY FREE, but His Word says that I am FORGIVEN. My sin is as far as the East is from the West. Psalm 32: 1-2 states: "Blessed is he whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered. Blessed is the man whose sin the Lord does not count against him and in whose spirit is no deceit." This verse is mine. I claim in in the name of Christ. I would not have believed I was worthy of claiming it if it were not presented to me directly through a sermon AND a bible study I am taking. Part of my assignment for my bible study is to read Romans chapter 4 TWENTY TIMES. Would you believe that that same verse is IN Romans Chapter 4? New testament, old testament - it's there. It's mine. Not just mine, but all of His children's. I guess some of us just need it more than others due to our 'sorted' past. I'm His. I am Loved, I am blessed, I am chosen, I am adopted, I am accepted, I am redeemed, and I am Forgiven!!!! (This was today's session content in my bible study by Beth Moore, Believing God.)

I am His now. Not in part. All of me. I didn't have all of me to give before, but He's made me whole and although it's not much to offer, I will still offer myself. My DEEPEST desire is to honor Him with all my actions. I have been forgiven of so much in this life......Now that He has placed me on solid ground, I refuse to budge. Not an inch. I'll fight for my life in Him. I will allow no one to take my hope away. I will continue to learn to walk in faith and look to Him for my every need.

I have not a care in the world. Yet I care SO DEEPLY for the world. I care that people are out there and are hurting. I care that people are lost and hungry. I care that His people are burdened and in bondage. I SO DESIRE the freedom that Galatians chapter 5 speaks of to belong to all His people. It is about His grace and our Faith in His grace! Not how much we do or don't do. Once we start thinking about our 'works', we have fallen away from grace.

I have been given a new start in life. It started the moment I took responsibility for my sin. For 4 years I have been oppressed, depressed, and unable to live the life I knew I was called to live. I am a very black/white person. I see things as right or wrong. No gray areas. I am learning that we have to have balance in our lives. My prayer for myself is that the Lord will not stop working what He's started in my life. That I will respond in faith and belief and continue to seek Him with all I am. My overall prayer is that the Lord will not stop until He has collected, gathered, drawn, pulled together all His chosen people. NONE LEFT BEHIND. NOT EVEN ONE. Lord let me shine, let me gather, let me help, let me work and may every speck of the glory go to your Holy name. In the name of Christ Jesus I pray.

So where does that leave me? FREE to be the BEST child, wife & mother (first and foremost), neighbor, friend, caregiver, servant, granddaughter, volunteer, yardworker, mower, weedpuller, mail gatherer, grocery shopper, chef, housekeeper, clothes washer, ironer, floor scrubber, fire ant killer, spider squasher, teacher, believer, seeker, whatever else I do, wherever else I go - the best I can be! Praise the Lord!!

Mothers' Day Out on Tuesday

2007-08-20T10:46:00.000-05:00

It's Monday again. A fresh new start. I like that.

Tomorrow, BOTH children are going to Mothers' Day Out from 9-1:30. Every Tuesday from 9-1:30 I get some alone time. I am very excited about that. Very, very excited.

My daughter has shown some signs of wanting to wean. I'm not happy about that but there's not too much I can do about it either. She turned 13 months old yesterday. I think my son was 14 months old when he stopped nursing. I thought that he quit because my milk had decreased so much due to my pregnancy with my daughter. All I know is that I'd like to keep nursing somebody forever - without milk, I'm barely an A cup. With milk, I'm a full A. Whoopee.

My husband set up the laptop in the kitchen for me to use. He's here most of the time, working from the office.

We went to church yesterday and for the past couple of Sundays. I fight with with it though - not wanting to go, but then I'm so SO GLAD once I'm there in the presence of the Lord. The sermon was about running the race. It's not a competitive race. It's a supportive race. It's about keeping on, keeping on. Getting up each time you fall and continuing the race. I struggle with the getting back up part. Once I've taken a fall, I feel wounded and frustrated and without hope. BUT, once I get back up I'm usually up for awhile. Till I grow weary or complacent and then I fall again. A cycle I'd love to break. I'd settle for speeding up the process of my down time.

Today I am going to take a garbage bag and start getting some stuff out of here that is only taking up space. If it is not used on a regular basis, it is gone. I'm off!

Changes

2007-08-10T10:22:00.000-05:00

I wrote this Wed night, late.

My heart is full. Too full for description. We've been watching lots of movies lately - sad movies. More than sad. Horrible, emotionally charged movies like Hotel Rwanda, The Pianist, The Perfect Storm - just to name a few. These are the kind of movies that drain the life right out of me. They make me feel heavy and burdened and ashamed for having it so good in life and still feeling unsatisfied with my life. These 3 movies especially. They were intensely horrific and depressing. Unfair and SO WRONG. All three based on real stories.

Present day.

I went to bed Wed evening quite sad and woke up on Thurs morning feeling incapable of going to work. Work being the house and the kids. I just felt trapped and I was ALL DONE. I wanted to run away (not for forever - just for awhile.) I was so sick of the whining and the "mama mama mama" and the not eating and the screaming during diaper changes and the food in the booster seats and on the floor and smushed everywhere and the throwing things and the grabbing the pushing, the negative attitudes, the not wanting anything, the getting into everything and making messes everywhere and the not cleaning up and the no end in sight. I really was ALL DONE. I snapped at my husband for not helping. For leaving me to it all. I finally broke down and cried. And cried and cried. I haven't cried in months and months - maybe a year? Maybe more? I can't remember just losing it like this. I was so unhappy and felt like such a failure.

He led me to our bedroom - away from the kids (I don't think my son has EVER seen me cry like this) I'm not a pretty crier. I have fair skin and my face turns all shades of red and blotchy and my eyes look like I've been on drugs and well, you get the picture. He left and was back a few minutes later, without the kids.

He had placed them in our son's room. What a grand idea!

Then we talked. I told my husband that I wanted to be doing what I was doing but didn't feel like I was doing a good job at it. I told him that I needed some time to myself once and awhile. I told him that I must go to bed earlier at night. I told him that I needed his help in order to make my days more organized. I am quite independent and a really-don't-need-anyone type of person, so this was hard - to ask for help. But I did. And I'm glad I did.

We came up with ideas that would help me acquire a bit of time for myself everyday (not just 3 minutes here and 5 there). The solution? Put both kids in one of their rooms every day after breakfast until they get ALL DONE! This is where they are right now. They've been in my daughter's room for 35 minutes alone. I just went in once to take care of something (a dirty diaper). How did I know about the diaper? I have a monitor on in there and heard my son saying "Aver has POO POO".

We came up with lots of ways to keep the house less chaotic and have agreed to put stuff up before we go to bed (earlier) at night.

He then told me to get dressed and leave for awhile. I did :-)

I came back about 2 and 1/2 hours later and I WAS READY to be back home. My husband has a great deal of wisdom to offer me if I allow him in my world once and awhile.

My prayer is for the Lord to do a GREAT work in our marriage. I love my husband but haven't allowed him access to my inner self. I want to learn how to though. I want to learn how to open up to him and love him more completely. I desire to become a better Christian, a MUCH better wife and a better mother. I admit that I need help.

The Lord allows trials to come to us in order to build our faith in Him, "And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance character; and character hope.” (Romans 5:3-4)

These 4 months since my husband lost his job have been stressful, to say the least. But. I will PRAISE THE LORD for these times because I know that the end result will be a beautiful thing. The Lord knows what we need and what we desire. I give my desires to him and ask only for His will for our lives. I am so honored to be a child of god. So thankful that He allowed my eyes to be open in order to see the Truth. 13 years ago. A rocky ride of faith I've had. I'd love it to become more solid. This is my prayer.

Work from home hubby?

2007-08-08T11:38:00.000-05:00

I wish I could say that this works for me, but it doesn't. I REALLY don't want him home all day. I love the man, but having him in our office all day a few feet away from the kitchen and the den (where the kids and I function most of the day, every day) just doesn't sound fun. He'll be on the computer all day - so that means during the few minute slots that I do get away from the kids, I won't be able to get to the computer. He won't be here to help me deal with the kids, he'll be free to ignore the whining (Lord, how I hate whining), the crying, the not minding - you know, the good stuff. I am quite aware that this is my problem and not his. I am the one who is responsible for dealing with them on a regular basis, but it is SO MUCH harder to do my job when he is in here at MY computer sipping coffee and relaxing.

We are having rough times right now and have been since he lost his job in April. I know I should be thankful that he CAN earn some money by working out of the house. I just wish he'd work out of someone else's house. My job is to pray about it, come to terms with it, and let God be in charge of possibly turning this situation into something that does work for me.

I need to change how I handle our days anyway. It IS time for a change. I just don't like it being thrust on me. The Lord knows all my thoughts, feelings and emotions - maybe he is working some good in me.

This was the subject of my morning quiet time:

Just as the Lord punishes a son he delights in to make him better, so the Lord corrects you.

I need some correction. I know it. Without a doubt. I just don't know how to handle it.

ZERO messages in my Inbox!

2007-08-07T15:47:00.000-05:00

Its true. There are no messages in my inbox. I keep checking just to be sure. We can't have messages sneaking in and just hanging out anymore. Of course I want email! I just don't want it to pile up on me again. I now have 6 folders. Shoot! I forgot about my sent box. I need to go through that too. I'll be back......

Step one: do away with the (un)necessary

2007-08-05T19:58:00.000-05:00

I think I've figured out the ONE THING that will make my life easier. I need to do some serious uncluttering in just about every aspect of my life. I need to start with my inbox. I kid you not, I have 10,274 messages in it. Granted, most of these messages are deletable. Some are not though - and this is why I have so many. I guess I'll start there. Once I clean out my inbox, I'll be back to work on something else.