Foggy Outside, Clearer Inside

Tons of fog outside this morning. I'm so thankful that the Lord has removed a bit of the fog inside of me.

It started at 5:45 this morning when I woke to music coming from the kids' playroom. Clear as a bell out of my sleep I heard "Hear me calling, Hear me calling, You're lost and alone, Leave it to me, Ill lead you home" - this is from a song by Michael W. Smith called "I'll lead you home". I got up quick and went to turn the alarm off (the kid must have accidentally set the music alarm clock to go off) - I didn't want them to wake up that early!! I then proceeded to get back in bed but didn't go back to sleep. I toyed with the idea that maybe the Lord was inviting me to get up and have some quiet time with Him. I haven't gotten up to fellowship with the Lord in a long, long time. I gave up on it kind of. It has been just too hard to pull myself out of bed early in the morning and I've been so tired mentally and spiritually lately. I'm so grateful to the Lord for allowing me the grace I needed to get out of bed this morning with the purpose of seeking Him.

I read about my life being hidden in Christ. I'm still curious about it, but from the little research I did, I found that it may be talking about this 'thing' I did this morning. I can't see it, or hear it. I just know it. Hidden in my heart, in my mind. My faith in Him. Faith that He was there with me. Here with me now. Regardless of how ugly I am. Regardless of how unfaithful I am. Regardless of how putrid I smell. Our Lord looks past our condition and sees something we can't see - something I can't seem to believe is even there most of the time.

Why? That question is at the front of my mind. Why do I act the way I do sometimes? Why do I make such terrible decisions so often? Why am I so flawed inside? So opposite of what I wish to be like? This is Truth - I am so screwed up. This is also the Truth - He is not.

I know my disbelief and my doubts complicate things tremendously.

So my prayer is simple, "Lord - I lay all I am, all I've done, all I hope to do, all I wish to be, all my shame, all my pain, all my thoughts, Down at your feet. I will leave it there and ask that you sort it out and have Your way in this life I live - this life that You died for. I am so thankful for the gift of Salvation. I don't understand it but I receive it in faith - faith that was not even mine - You have provided me with it. It is not about me, it is all about You. Help me realize that You are holding on to me and that when my grip fails, You are still holding onto me. You said You will never leave. Never. No matter what. No matter what I do, or don't do. No matter what. As long as my eternity is with You Lord, I know that nothing else matters. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen. And Amen again."

I am filled with quiet praise. Full of hope and love. I guess I'd say that He filled me up today. Thank you Lord for filling me up. I so needed it. My need light has been on for a long time and you came just in time. I love you.